Perfectionism

Perfectionism. A word used to describe another’s thoughts, feelings, actions and consequently, their skill set. Perfectionism. A word that keeps me--keeps us from deeming our efforts and accomplishments as successes. Perfectionism is a word that we subconsciously give power so we are able to show up in the world as un-bruised, unmarked, un-bothered, untouchable, unashamed--without iniquity. Perfectionism is no longer just a word, but builds into an active thought. These thoughts encourage the suppression of all things that create REAL human connection, empathy. It allows you to become the unconscious listener and never the sharer--even when it is your season to share. It condones the position of the bystander and retreats from any effort to become the ally. Perfectionism, given too much power becomes your internal bully. It creates cynicism. It is the box we close ourselves into restricting us from releasing all creativity. It is the relentless thought of “what will she think? I can’t do this. Someone is doing this already. This idea is stupid. I was born to work a 9 to 5 and I’ll never be.” Perfectionism comes to silence YOUR voice. It is a silent killer only coming to steal, kill and destroy all that you’ve been called to be.

You see, I was mistakenly groomed into perfectionism from earthly overseers that wanted me to be everything they were not. They urged me to go after and become everything they believed the enemy stole from them. This created identity in being A’s and B’s  instead of just receiving. It cultivated the need for all to be happy--or at least happy and accepting of me. It hindered the sharing of my most vulnerable thoughts.

Perfectionism sent me into spaces of isolation and tried convincing me that I could go at it all by myself and I tried to--until I couldn’t put on the face of unbothered, unmarked and unashamed. I was tired. I was alone. I wasn’t perfect.

I remember wanting to call out to someone and remembered somewhere along this journey I’d lost every person I called, friend. That was the first time I laid perfection down and really called out to God at the age of 20. I cried and for the first time I felt myself loosen.

When I made the decision to leave perfectionism--relinquishing all control I began to experience God and His promises to me. I began denouncing the spirit of loneliness daily and talked to God like He was the only friend I ever knew. I laid asleep at night--often times with no roommate present and freely called on God as my comforter. I watched God assemble people in my life who I called friend and now call sister--I experienced God as my restorer.

Today, I prophetically write and communicate my story--for I’ve experienced God as THE HEALER.

I am Whitney S. Williams and I am a child of the change-maker, the joy replenisher, the vision giver. I a am a child of God.