As a young girl I always felt somewhat different. I would even see and hear things that I couldn’t express to others. I now know it was a gift from God. I just didn’t seem to fit in. When I entered middle school I ended up becoming what everyone else wanted me to be. All I ever wanted to do was fit in. I wanted normalcy. I found out that the family and world I only ever knew was not the same world other’s lived in. I found out that everyone didn’t move around a lot. I came to find out that not everyone lived with their mom and went to their dads on the weekend.
I put so much weight onto material things and my physical features that the very core of who I was, was ugly and dying. The enemy was cunning but my God is greater. You see what the devil meant for bad, God always meant for good. I was setting sail for a web of deception. I mistook his being a lover of himself for confidence and even his form of godliness for truth.
...but I knew something was missing. How can I turn back the hand of time and say RESET?
I made the declaration to be alone with God for however long He needed me without asking Him how long and what was it going to cost me.
I am in a place of true surrender, to the Holy Spirit who is now within me. I feel like a fresh wind has come over me. I am finally learning what true intimacy feels like. The purging process is still continuing, but it is a day by day and moment by moment process. I am no longer feeling so overwhelmed by the lust and shame, but I am being refined.
The enemy would creep into my home and try to disturb the peace. I would have to fight at times, day and night to declare I will not be moved.
Now, forever and always...
I have to declare to the world whether man accepts it or not that I am called to open the eyes of the unbeliever and to turn them from their darkness and from the power of Satan unto God, Acts 26:18. This may sound strange but I don’t believe anyone in their right mind would take such a mantle upon themselves. It is a weight that no man can carry without God’s anointing on their life.