I woke up reflecting on this task that a good friend and colleague challenged me to do after releasing some frustrations. She says to me, "Well Whit, what do you want, what do you want in a partner, in a man?" I looked at her and said, "I don't know, I have no idea." I thought to myself, "how could you not know that Whitney. How could you have these complaints and expectations but not have clearly defined what it is you want?"
OPERATION SHAME TALK.
How could you not know? Why don't you know? You should know? You are...
I sat in the car a little longer that day after leaving my friend. I pulled down my visor, reclined my seat back a bit and looked into the mirror and thought to myself, "you get to have expectations, standards...you deserve to make those things clear. Write them down." So that day, that day I wrote my list while sitting in what I most often call my mobile sanctuary; looking into the window pane where I could see my two sons and their father. I took my phone out and mumbled "you deserve this Whitney." I began to create my list fluidly..."a praying man, a believer over an ordinary church-goer or pew-filler, attentive and aware of my feelings even in my silence, a conversationalist...I went on and on and on.
That day I realized, the man I viewed through the window pane was almost everything I yearned for, but none of these things at all.