...and I hear God saying,
“It is no longer enough for us to be awakened in the
spirit if we aren’t willing to walk in it.”
Where are my faithful steppers?
The mental steps out of these four walls became nightly reflective strides. I’d lie awake on my right side at night with occasional tears streaming down my face knowing this thought and reflection was soon to become a step of faith in the natural realm--for my steps would become, REAL. We would exist in these four walls with manic highs of happiness, reflective moments of love, sorrowful and painful moments of “look what she did, look what he did, look at what we did to us” and back to prideful lows--for we knew things were coming to a close.
I remember my prayers consistently ending with,
“God I WON’T MOVE until you tell me to.”
...but this day, this day I received the answer, “GO FORTH” and the word FAITH rang so loudly I stopped toiling and I moved.
My steps were now a physical move of proceeding forward .
That night, we sat our children down declaring our love for them, assuring them of ideas of togetherness, striving for a sense of normalcy, followed by many hugs, kisses and a final goodnight.
...but, there was nothing normal about what was occurring.
It was heartbreaking.
It was painful.
Neither of us could have imagined this day coming in April of 2008, but here we were.
These steps, that I now recognize as progressive, developmental, and forward movements of faith have nothing to do with love--love is an evident factor. This had everything to do with CHOOSING our hand as the molder of this relationship. This had everything to do with defining love without God and creating false formalities of what union should look like. This was an subconscious denial to God’s invitation into our hearts, into our spirits, into this “pseudo marriage.” An act denial of so intense that we could not confront the truth of this very relationship being built without God as the compass, the Shepherd, the Foundation, and the Cornerstone.
For His word says,
“But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is heaven.”
(Matthew 10:33, KJV,)
So, as I walked down the steps that night with my belongings I cried tears of trust, of faith and re-commitment to God--because more than anything I just wanted to get back home to my Father.
...and the most freeing reassurance was, “but I promised to never leave you nor, forsake you.”